Slick Chicks and Dateability are teaming up to open up the world of dating, focusing on real-life stories. Our partnership merges Slick Chicks’ commitment to inclusivity with Dateability’s innovative platform, creating a narrative that challenges preconceptions and highlights the joys and challenges of dating for those with disabilities and chronic illnesses. By leveraging the voices of ambassadors who live these experiences, we aim to inspire, educate, and foster a more understanding and inclusive dating environment for all.
The following is an interview with Aspen Sage:
Can you share a little about your personal journey and how it has shaped your approach or perspective on dating?
In 2021, I asked for mental health help for the first time in my life after experiencing a traumatic breakup. During that time I was given medication that resulted in my injury. I was medication injured and left the hospital in a worse position then I went in. I didn’t think I was going to survive that breakup, but I definitely didn’t think I was going to survive after I left the hospital paralyzed. Somehow, I am still here.
I’m sure I said many times that I would never date again, and honestly I’m kind of back in that mindset. I have been in the talking stage a few times in the last 3 years and have been on a few dates in the last year but nothing has worked out and I recently tried to open my heart up and I just got blindsided by someone I really trusted.
I would like to say that opening my mind to dating was a huge step for me and proves that I can do it again, but dating is so hard. It is so hard to open up, share your secrets, tell your story, start to trust and let your guard down, and then have to start over all over again. I think there is so much potential in relationships, it’s just hard to believe in the good of other people when you really haven’t had the best experiences.
What have been some of the biggest challenges and triumphs you’ve faced in the dating world as a person living with a disability or chronic illness?
Dating is hard for so many reasons, but I really struggle with my inability to drive. I always have to rely on others to take me places and it makes things really difficult. I also live 40 minutes from the nearest town which doesn’t help when it comes to other people picking me up. I am also insecure about where I live and it’s hard for me to allow people to see my “safe” place. Unfortunately, I have seizures and I feel this is always something I need people to be aware of prior to dating because calling an ambulance is honestly the worst thing for me and that’s the route that most people would jump to in any medical situation. I’ve always been told that I’m “a lot” and “too much” and a recent dating situation made that more obvious when I come with both mental and physical challenges that are in fact “a lot” for too many people. I would like to think that one day I won’t be “too much” for someone, but I’m really not sure. As someone who struggles with mental and physical illnesses, I’ve never had a problem loving someone who was also mentally ill, because I feel like I have a better understanding of how to care for someone who is struggling, but I’ve never had anyone be able to love and support me the way that I need.
How has embracing your identity and overcoming personal challenges impacted your confidence in dating and romantic relationships?
Let’s be honest… I thought I had grown the confidence I needed to pursue a relationship until recently when I was completely blindsided all over again. I was growing a sense of confidence and was able to feel beautiful without someone telling me I was and I was taking care of myself by regular self care and therapy. But one painful breakup brought all of my insecurities back. As an autistic, but also just a genuine human-I don’t handle change well, especially when it’s change with no explanation. I would love to feel confident and beautiful again without needing to hear that from someone else but I hate how fast someone can make me feel ugly and unworthy. As someone who is still fairly new to being disabled, I definitely have a lot to learn and it is just going to take the right person to truly work through and learn together. There is a lot to learn about dating with a disability that won’t be learned until actively pursuing someone.
Choosing what to wear on a first date can speak volumes and play a significant role in one’s confidence. Could you share your thought process on selecting the perfect outfit for a first date, especially considering your needs for comfort and accessibility?
Outfits are so important on the first date! Not only for first impressions, but for self confidence. I think it’s important to always have a plan and truly know what the date entails. It’s important to wear something that represents your true self and honestly not something completely out of your “normal.” I think wearing something that makes us feel beautiful but also comfortable is important. I wouldn’t wear something super uncomfortable, because I’d just be thinking about how much I can’t wait to go home and change. It is nice to dress up, but you don’t want to give someone this false representation of who you are. Make yourself feel beautiful and confident and don’t wear something because that’s what you think your date will like. Dress up and feel beautiful for you, and if they appreciate that about you, that’s a plus!
What advice would you give to others with disabilities and chronic illnesses about navigating the complexities of dating and relationships?
Dating is hard whether we are disabled or not, but sometimes it feels 100x harder when we are disabled because most of us have experienced situations that truly just made us feel like a burden. I’ve always been the person to make my partner my best friend and my #1, but don’t ever do that right away. Keep your friends and family close because they might be all you have one day. Be open and honest about your disabilities from the beginning. I know it sucks telling your story over and over again, but you don’t want to be months or even years in and then end up in a break up because of something your partner can’t accept about your disability. No matter how hard it is, be willing to express your needs and accommodations, again it’s something you would rather someone learn in the beginning compared to months down the road. Communication really is the key to a successful relationship, but it takes two to communicate. We can’t expect people to know exactly what we need from the first date so voice what you need and make sure you are being heard. Dating is so hard but it can be worth it when you end up with your person who loves you and accepts you exactly as you are. No matter what anyone says, you are NEVER “too much” for the right person.
